I took a break for a while from blogging. Needed to regroup and get some things accomplished. I'm back!! Beware!! ;)  There has been tons of stuff happening here (as usual). There is truly never a dull moment!  Let's make it hap'n cap'n!

So yesterday, I'm cleaning the bedroom and Lily runs in the room screaming "The babies jumped out the window!"  Now, my first reaction was they went out their bedroom window which is beside the front porch, against the rules, but practically benign. So out I go to get them and they come around the side of the house (the front) with grass stains all over their butts. No, not their bedroom window, but the living room window which is an 8 foot drop to the ground. Apparently, they were playing Superman (again...more of Superman to come later) and decided to strip naked and jump 8 feet to the ground. It was, yet again, one of those "What in the hell were you thinking???" panic moments for me. They thought it was fairly funny.

Superman 2:  I hear uncontrollable laughter (clue #1 that something is being destroyed or is about to go horribly wrong) coming from the kitchen. I go to see what is being destroyed and I see both of the twins on top of the fridge swan diving onto the dining room chairs (they have wheels) yelling "I'm Superman!" as the hit the chair and it goes flying across the kitchen floor.  I, yet again, was seeing an ER trip in my future, but they never got hurt. Time out did ensue.

In an effort to keep track of them (almost impossible, they are worse than trying to herd cats) I took them to the bathroom with me while I was cleaning it. I turn my back for a second and they dumped a gallon of bleach all over the floor. So now I have an EXTREMELY clean bathroom, It was horrible in there. I had to open all the windows.  My sinuses are dead.

Lily sees a little girl on TV and says " I bet she doesn't have as much as I do" Rachel says:"Lily, you don't know what she has, you don't know her, she could have more than you, she could look poor but be filthy rich" Lily:" If she is so rich why doesn't she have a bathtub to take a bath in if she's filthy?" Rachel :" Lily, the point is you cant judge a book by its cover" Lily :" Why are we talking about books now?" Rachel : *sighs loudly* "Ughhhhh, I give up".

Talking to Daddy on the phone has prompted a screaming battle between the twins: "I talked to Daddy" " I talked to Daddy, too" "I talked longer than you did" "No, you didn't" "Yes, I did" "Well, Daddy loves me more" *crying and fist fighting*

This is a really cute story. I took my daughters cat in for a check up to the vet. While in the room waiting for the vet to come back in, the twins spy the milkbone dog biscuits (samples for you to take home to your dog).  So they want to take two home for Zoey (our Great Pyrenees). They are sitting in the chairs quietly (which never happens, so I look over to see what is going on and they both have the "cat that ate the canary" smirk on their faces. I asked what they were doing and I get a muffled "nuffin".  So I walk over and see that they have been eating the milkbones.  As I tried to get them from their hands the vet walks in and sees what is happening. She grabs a milkbone and sits down between the twins and starts eating one herself. I looked at her with the "What the hell are you doing, I was trying to get them to quit that" look. She shrugs and says "If I wouldn't eat it myself, I wouldn't give it to my dog!"  Props to her. Made me feel better!    

I have a Dove chocolate bar sitting on my desk and the twins come in and are eyeing it up....I don't say anything, Izzi looks at me and says "Can we have chocolate, too?" Gabbi smacks her arm and says "Izzi, I said talk to her and I grab the candy!" hehehehe. plans foiled again.

Ok this is really gross, but those of you with small children will get a laugh out of this...we had kale the other day and Gabbi went to poop in the potty and yelled for me, I go in the bathroom and she is standing there with her eyes wide and her mouth gaped open, I said "What's wrong?" She says " Mommy! I pooped a pickle!!" Yep...there it was, a green turd that looked just like a pickle

This is what happens when I take a 10 minute shower...paint...ALL OVER

  

 

Part 4...a few days late!

I took a few days break from blogging.  With the upcoming holiday season I needed to get some things completed before I could take my guilty pleasure of this blog!

Today was pretty funny.  I love school breaks, I get to spend more time with the girls.  They have been as lazy as I have this Thanksgiving break, but its OK, we will snap back into the groove in a few days. 

Rachel and Lily are playing Wii and all of a sudden I hear Lily say "Rachel, the Wii has a bitch".... Of course, I shake my head not believing I just heard that, "WHAT did you just say?" Lily: "Rachel said the Wii had a bitch"... Rachel yells at Lily: " I SAID THE WII HAD A GLITCH!!!!"

I'm reminded of Murphy's Law every time I hear uncontrollable laughter coming from the other room..I love that they are having a good time, but I know, inevitably, something is either being destroyed or being covered in some sort of goo.  

 I hear the twins laughing uncontrollably in their playroom, I peek around the corner to see what is going on and they are twirling in the curtains.  I tell them to not do that because they are going to pull them down, and about all I got out was "don't do tha..."  Wham! Down they come and the girls are laughing so hard Izzi stops and looks at me and says "My belly hurts"   Probably from laughing so hard......ugh....Id probably be better off just painting the windows or putting that frosty looking sticky stuff on them...Ive gone through 6 curtain rods in a year. 

Again, today, the cat has some sort of foreign sticky stuff on him...back to the bath...I think hes starting to get used to it!! Poor Zeus!!


I thought I was being slick, I hid the box of sea salt caramels under my shirt, walked from the kitchen through the living room to my bedroom, hid them in the computer desk...I'm in the clear!! THEN....I tried to open the box to have one of my favorite things on the face of this earth and the kids candy radar went off...and just like that I had 4 kids all drooling, begging for MY candy!!! Ugh....and NO, I did NOT want to share them, that's why I bought them gummy bears!  I have to have something for myself now and then, don't I?


Even the twins know my fear of spiders.  There is a spider on the outside of the window and I hear the twins talking about it...
Izzi: " Gabbi, spider on the window, look"
Gabbi: " SHHHHHH...don't let Mommy hear, she's afraid"

The case of the missing forks has been solved.  Apparently, my twins thought it was a good idea to throw them down the furnace vents.

I so love listening to my kids conversations...Rachel says, "Lily, can I have a drink of your water?" Lily: "Only if you say the magic word" Rachel: *sighs* and says "Please?" Lily: "That's not the magic word" Rachel: "yes, it is, the magic word is always please" Lily: "No, its avocado." 

OK, this is the last time...I mopped the floor to turn around and see footprints...mopped it again...footprints...ugh one more time and I'm just not going to do it again!!!! *sigh* The twins are now banished to the living room!! 

Like father, like daughter(s). I found a way to stop my twins on their whirlwind of destruction....instant deactivation: clean their ears with a q-tip!! Put them in a trance! 

I have to post this because my husband is such an awesome daddy and puts up with so much from all the girls:  

 A vacation with the kids is no vacation for the parents!!! 3 days at the beach (almost losing both the twins in the waves and strong riptides, yeah,not very much fun) Sand in every stinking thing, including the twins who thought it was cool to eat the sand! Then on the way home a stop over at Kings Dominion amusement park. 10 hours there, then home....had fun, but I'm dragging today!! But oh, the best part was my husband getting chosen to be part of a circus and having to dance to "It's Raining Men"!! The kids and I loved it!





 

Part 3, new day, new laughs!

This morning as I was trying to get both eyes open (any of you who know me, knows that I am NOT a morning person.  It takes me 3 cups of coffee just to get both eyes open!) I hear Gabbi saying "Mommy! I have a boo-boo!".  So I go over to see what happened. I asked her "Where is your boo-boo?" She sticks out her tongue. Now, at first I thought she was trying to be funny so I stuck my tongue out at her, too.  She puts her hands on her hips and cocks her head sideways and says "MOMMY! My boo-boo is on my tongue!"  Duh...How dare I not know that. Now I'm confused.  "Gabbi, how did you get a boo-boo on your tongue? Did you bite your tongue?"  Again with the attitude as if I should already know "No, Mommy, Luke bit my tongue".  *Sigh*  "How did Luke bite your tongue?"  I'm secretly not wanting to know the answer.  She says, "I was licking his nose and he bit my tongue".  Of course, my first thought should have been this scenario. "Gabbi, why on earth were you licking the dog's nose?" Again, I should know this already.  She says, "I wanted to see what it tasted like".  Time to brush teeth!   Poor Luke, I kind of feel sorry for him!

This is why I'm confused all the time:
Gabbi and Izzi are feeding their snack to the puppy. I tell them to not feed that to the dog...
Gabbi: " Izzi told me that Lily said that Luke (the puppy) told Izzi that he was hungry" 

Snow in August....epic beanbag fail! Yep, thanks to my twins! They opened two brand new beanbags and dumped the Styrofoam pellets all over the place.  My living room looks like it snowed 4 inches! Gotta laugh or I may just cry.  It is now November and when the furnace kicks on, I'm still getting pieces of it blowing out through the vents!

My neighbor's jack russell terrier got outside right before a storm and Lily comes running in at 90 miles an hour and says " Its storming and Bella is outside, hurry and get her before she gets hit by hazel!!" I said, "Who is hazel?" She says with exasperation " MOM!, you know, the ice that falls from the sky when its storming!!" 

Lily decides she wants to run the vacuum so I turn it on for her and she runs over my foot with it then falls over laughing so hard she almost peed herself! 

I don't think I will ever understand my girls...I'm cleaning the bathroom and my toilet bowl brush is MIA, so I go to the other bathroom to get the other one, that one is MIA...I ask Lily where the toilet bowl brushes are, she giggles and says " Me and the babies were jousting with them"....... I'm speechless. 

Twins are moments of sheer brilliance followed by moments of utter confusion!! They are taking a bath and they know from the smell of the shampoo that its strawberry (hard to pick out with the label being peeled off). Then Gabbi goes and poops in the toilet before I gave them a bath and Izzi comes running out of the bathroom screaming "Gabbi pooped in your potty, smack her butt!!" I say "No! That's a good girl, you are supposed to poop in the potty" Izzi looks at me as if Ive just grown a third eye and says "No, we poop on the floor!!"  

Part 2 of the funnies of my life!

I went to Walmart (should have been my first clue, nothing ever good happens at Walmart) have groceries in my cart, go to check out and my wallet is gone... searched the store to find it kicked half under one of the aisles with money missing....seems that my twins thought it would be fun to throw stuff out of my purse when I wasn't looking.... so much for groceries this week! Ramen noodles, it is!


There are certain things that I know most people have never said in their life, but somehow, they seem to be the norm around here:
"Why is the cat green?" Poor Zeus, he was the victim of a new box of markers, but is always a good sport about it.
"Why is the dog pink?" Luke was not so happy about this, this turned out to be kool-aid that got dumped on him while one twin held him down...poor dog.
"Stop flushing things down the toilet!" This list grows and grows: car keys, whole rolls of toilet paper, books, toys, food, brushes (hair and toothbrushes, which is why I buy new toothbrushes weekly almost), shampoo, bars of soap, clothes, and the list goes on and on.  I'm surprised they haven't tried to flush each other.  Of course, I may not have caught that one.
"Why are my car keys in the kitchen cabinet?" This list has numerous places also: toy box, toilet, cabinets, freezer, refrigerator, garbage disposal, and in a hanging light fixture on the wall (don't ask).
"Who put stickers all over my car?"  For weeks, my car was known as the "Dora-mobile"  Gotta love Dora the Explorer, or do you?
"YOU CANT DRINK THE TOILET WATER!!!!" I don't think anything else needs to be said on this besides...YUCK!
"Quit licking the cat!!" Response: "He's yummy".  Zeus was not so amused.
"Get out from under the table and give me the parmesan cheese!" Response: "I was eating tartar sauce".  Confused on this one myself.
"Why is the coffee creamer under the table?" Response: "I make coffee".  Yes, they did. What I failed to see at first glance was the whole can of coffee dumped on the floor, the sweet and low on the top of that, and then the coffee creamer.  *sigh*
"For the love of Pete...put your underwear on!!!!" Response: "Who is Pete?"  My fault completely, I left myself wide open for this response.
"Quit licking the windows as the neighbors walk by, they are going to think you're weird". Response : Giggling.  Most of the neighbors think this is funny when they are walking their dogs and they see two identical twins licking the windows.  Some of them, not so much.  *shrugs*
"Why is your hair all wet?" Response:" Gabbi peed on my head".  Again, *sigh*....bath time again!


Conversation overheard between my 13 year old and my 5 year old:
Rachel:"I'm going to teach you about flora and fauna"
Lily:"I already know about flora"
Rachel:" How do you know about flora?"
Lily:" They give it to me for my teeth in school"

While taking Lily to school this morning, she says to me: " I hope I don't have to do those exercises in gym class like yesterday, I was sweating like a goat and I smelled like one, too!"  This was most likely prompted by my husband's favorite phrase "What happened in here? It looks like a goat exploded".

My girls drew on the wall, then deciding that they would probably get in trouble, they decide to cover up the marker.....like I wouldn't notice... 

Things that make me insane...or keep me sane, haven't determined which, yet!

Trying to reason with 3 year old twins is like banging your head against a brick wall... They were throwing toys at each other and I told them that someone is going to get hurt and they both looked at me and said "Who? Rachel or Lily?" what was scary is that they said it in perfect unison....Oy vey...I'm in trouble..

I'm so tired after being up until 4 am that I'm getting silly, Lily walked in my room and said "Mommy, I need a snack" and my response was "There are towels in the dryer"......Should have seen the look I got...

Mission accomplished: I hear the twins and Lily yelling relentlessly for Rachel (who is in her room still asleep) Rachel comes out of her room and says: "OMG you are the most annoying people, I'M NEVER HAVING KIDS!!!"

Dan and I take the twins to the grocery store with us then to Bob Evans for lunch. While sitting at the table in the restaurant, Dan turns around to see Gabbi poking the old man behind us with a butter knife with this very concerned look on her face. We think she was trying to see if he was still alive, he was really old... The gentleman had a very good sense of humor once his wife laughed and told him what Gabbi was doing, can't believe he had no clue!

So I'm sitting here looking for cars on the web when my husband, who has been relatively quiet today, chimes in with... "We need to go to the music store and buy an oboe".  Of course, my response was " WTH do we need an oboe for?".... " All the cars you are looking at say OBO, and I so want to go to someones house to look at a car and give them an oboe and say thanks!!" *sigh*   

So at the bus stop this morning, Lily says to me
"I don't want to go to school today, Aiden keeps hitting me".
I asked why he hit her, she says " I don't know. He will be playing and then all of a sudden hit me on the arm, not hard, just kind of poke me".
I said " That's because he likes you.  He thinks you're pretty"
Of course she looks at me like Ive just grown a third eye and says " What??"
"When little boys like a girl and think shes pretty, sometimes they hit her".
Again with the look, Lily says with an exasperated sigh and a head shake " That is so weird. Why cant they just say they like you? Boys are so weird."

The kids got some slime with bugs and stuff in it, so Lily puts some on the screen door and I hear her say (and giggle) to Rachel:
" I put slime on the door so when Daddy opens it, he will get it on his hands and his face will do those funny faces"... I believe she is talking about the facial ticks they so often make him have...They have that art perfected... 

I'm very confused....Got Lily from the bus stop and she is all excited and tells me that she held a baby panda today in school...???? WHAT? So I tell her that it probably was not a baby panda and asked her to describe it... she says " it was a baby, small, and black and white, and very stinky"  Did they have a baby skunk in school?  This was later determined to be the class guinea pig, thank goodness!

So I'm out in the kitchen getting an apple when the twins tell me they want one, too.
"OK, do you want a red apple or a green apple?"
"Blue"
"There are no blue apples, do you want red or green"
"Purple"
"RED OR GREEN?"
"Yellow"
"We have red apples and green apples, which one do you want?"
"peanut butter sammich"    

My daughters, who they are!

     I thought that maybe it would be helpful to give some background information on each of my daughters.  So here goes!  Danielle is my pioneer.  The first to do everything, the first to walk, talk, run, go to school, and also the first to get in trouble.  Most importantly, the first one to make me laugh!  Danielle was a very well behaved baby, then 3 years old came along!  She has always been a very strong-willed child but always funny, even in her fits! More on her to come...

     Tiffany, my second daughter, was my first sensitive child and in that came great amounts of humor.  You wouldn't think that, but it is true.  She is also my first blond.  Now, before anyone jumps on me for saying blonds are less intelligent than others...even she loves blond jokes and will quite frequently laugh at herself for those "less than intelligent moments she has had"!  More on Tiff later...

     Rachel.  My Rachel, my "wiser than her years" daughter.  She is super intelligent, maybe more so than all of us put together.  In all of that intelligence comes a certain "lack of common sense", very much like me! Rachel is so put-together at times that its scary!  She has a gigantic sense of humor and will use it at the drop of a hat to make anyone laugh.  Being silly is her weapon against any one's bad mood.  She can make me smile even in the dimmest of times.  More on Rachel coming soon...

     Lilliana.  Lily.  Lily-bug.  I laugh even before I get out what I want to write about Lily.  Anyone who has been around Lily for more than a minute falls in love with her immediately.  She is beautiful, silly, caring and has the attitude of a 25 year old.  She is a poser.  Not in the way that means she is fake, but in that she thinks she is a supermodel and even in a normal conversation, she MUST strike a pose, which gives her more impact when she is talking to you.  She makes silly faces when she is having a normal conversation, couple that with her striking a pose, and she is downright hilarious.  She "bobs" her head when she wants to give attitude, and does so with ease!  You will definitely hear more about Lily later, I guarantee it!

     The twins, Isabella and Gabriella, are the babies.  I have met my match in them.  They had an upper hand on me from the time they started to talk because being identical twins, they developed "twin-talk".  It was sheer hell trying to decode it at first so that I could keep up with them!!   They are funny and don't even know it, which makes everything they do even funnier.  They have made me realize that there is a funny side to almost everything.  As a mother of identical twins, out of necessity, I have learned to laugh when I really want to cry.  They test me everyday, but love that they do that.  It keeps me on my toes.  I jokingly say to people, had the twins been my first children, they would have been my LAST!! More of the "dynamic duo" to come, also...

     The stories start tomorrow, stay tuned!!

Six girls, no boys, the beginning.

     So, not knowing where to start, I decided to start with my background.  My life is filled with estrogen, and although, lots of people have large amounts of females in their families, few have all of them in one place at the same time.  I'm Nicole Foster. I am married to Dan, who has the patience of a saint.  I have no idea how he does it, I'm envious!  I have six daughters. Danielle is 22, Tiffany is 19, Rachel is 13, Lilliana is 5, and the twins, Isabella and Gabriella are 3. I tried numerous times for a boy and as you can see, I failed to have a son.  Now, I know that the fathers are responsible for determining the sex of the baby, but I have to wonder if there is really anything else that factors into that.  Five pregnancies failed to produce a boy.  I'm not upset, in fact, I love that I have six daughters.  The reactions that I get when someone asks me if I have children have produced anything from a blank look to laughter and a "better you than me" or "your poor husband!".  My reactions have ranged anywhere from "Why, yes, it is better that its me than you!" (but normally only when I'm in a poor mood) to " My poor husband? What about me? He works 64 hours a week, I am the one who deals with it on a 24/7 basis!".

     I have four daughters still at home.  Danielle lives with her fiancee and has a gorgeous daughter, Kaileigh.  My granddaughter is 5 (add one more to the estrogen list!).  Tiffany lives with her fiancee and has the first boy in the family! Blake is 2 months old, and even though there is finally an estrogen free human in the mix now, it still doesn't balance out!

     My days are filled with the normal motherly stuff:  3 meals, snacks, changing the TV channel about 72 times a day because no one can agree on what show to watch, laundry, dishes, walking the dog (well, letting the dog out by himself most of the time because when I go towards the door meltdowns occur, God forbid I try to leave!), cleaning up spills, and thanks to potty training resistant twins, cleaning up pee and poop from the floor, ugh!

     I have a wonderful group of friends who kept telling me to write a book about my life with my daughters.  Why?  Because, frankly, some of this stuff is hilarious.  There are many times that at the precise moment of impact of one of those incidents, I don't find them so hilarious, but after I calm down, they normally are pretty funny!

     So, with having that bit of information and background, I am compiling some of the funniest moments of my life, so far, with my daughters and I will be back to blog more. I will try to blog daily about past funnies and present incidents.  Thanks for reading this, let me know what you think!