Part 2 of the funnies of my life!

I went to Walmart (should have been my first clue, nothing ever good happens at Walmart) have groceries in my cart, go to check out and my wallet is gone... searched the store to find it kicked half under one of the aisles with money missing....seems that my twins thought it would be fun to throw stuff out of my purse when I wasn't looking.... so much for groceries this week! Ramen noodles, it is!


There are certain things that I know most people have never said in their life, but somehow, they seem to be the norm around here:
"Why is the cat green?" Poor Zeus, he was the victim of a new box of markers, but is always a good sport about it.
"Why is the dog pink?" Luke was not so happy about this, this turned out to be kool-aid that got dumped on him while one twin held him down...poor dog.
"Stop flushing things down the toilet!" This list grows and grows: car keys, whole rolls of toilet paper, books, toys, food, brushes (hair and toothbrushes, which is why I buy new toothbrushes weekly almost), shampoo, bars of soap, clothes, and the list goes on and on.  I'm surprised they haven't tried to flush each other.  Of course, I may not have caught that one.
"Why are my car keys in the kitchen cabinet?" This list has numerous places also: toy box, toilet, cabinets, freezer, refrigerator, garbage disposal, and in a hanging light fixture on the wall (don't ask).
"Who put stickers all over my car?"  For weeks, my car was known as the "Dora-mobile"  Gotta love Dora the Explorer, or do you?
"YOU CANT DRINK THE TOILET WATER!!!!" I don't think anything else needs to be said on this besides...YUCK!
"Quit licking the cat!!" Response: "He's yummy".  Zeus was not so amused.
"Get out from under the table and give me the parmesan cheese!" Response: "I was eating tartar sauce".  Confused on this one myself.
"Why is the coffee creamer under the table?" Response: "I make coffee".  Yes, they did. What I failed to see at first glance was the whole can of coffee dumped on the floor, the sweet and low on the top of that, and then the coffee creamer.  *sigh*
"For the love of Pete...put your underwear on!!!!" Response: "Who is Pete?"  My fault completely, I left myself wide open for this response.
"Quit licking the windows as the neighbors walk by, they are going to think you're weird". Response : Giggling.  Most of the neighbors think this is funny when they are walking their dogs and they see two identical twins licking the windows.  Some of them, not so much.  *shrugs*
"Why is your hair all wet?" Response:" Gabbi peed on my head".  Again, *sigh*....bath time again!


Conversation overheard between my 13 year old and my 5 year old:
Rachel:"I'm going to teach you about flora and fauna"
Lily:"I already know about flora"
Rachel:" How do you know about flora?"
Lily:" They give it to me for my teeth in school"

While taking Lily to school this morning, she says to me: " I hope I don't have to do those exercises in gym class like yesterday, I was sweating like a goat and I smelled like one, too!"  This was most likely prompted by my husband's favorite phrase "What happened in here? It looks like a goat exploded".

My girls drew on the wall, then deciding that they would probably get in trouble, they decide to cover up the marker.....like I wouldn't notice...